We’ve all had those friendships that start off amazing and you feel like you’re on top of the world. The kind you feel will last a lifetime, the all of the sudden things go wrong. Now you’re left wounded and wondering how did this happen and why you didn’t see this coming. I’ve yet to meet a person this hasn’t happened to at least once. I know I’m no exception.
After closely examining those failed friendships i’ve had as well as those of people I coach, I notice there was a pattern. Had I asked myself some questions and took the time to study the person before allowing them in my inner circle, I would have seen the warning signs very early on. You see these questions reveal more about their character and the type of person they are than the eloquent speeches and theatricals that involve giving a good first impression.
– Are they trustworthy?
If there’s one thing we all want in a friendship is trustworthyness. We want to know they’re not going to cheat us, take advantage of us or deliverately do anything that would put us or our families in harms way. Pay attention to how they do things, their views on people. It will tell you if you can trust them.
– Do they Gossip?
This is a big one! Do they come to you to talk about others and what’s going on in their personal lives? Revealing private conversations or posts on FB that only a few select have seen? That person is a gossip. This is definitely not the person you want next to you when you have a low momment. They will use it as ammunition to their viperous toung. Before you know it everyone will know your business. Discression is not their virtue. So this person needs to remain an aquaintance at the most. Even if they’re family. Loose tounges create a lot of trouble and unnesesary grief.
– How do they treat others when they can’t get what they want?
If they treat others as disposible and / or unworthy when they can’t get what they want, run away. Sometimes this behavior is not super obvious. They sometimes resort to snide remarks to make that person feel uncomfortable, the silent treatment or they will get others to trun against that person to the extent that the person has to leave. Other time they will just make the person the butt of their jokes. In other words, when you’ve served their purpose and you have nothing else to contribute, you sease to exsit in their book. At this point there is no telling the lenght they will go through to get rid of you.
– Are they envious of others?
Envy doesn’t always show up by them blaintantly saying that they’re envious. Often times it shows up as a critical spirit. Everytime the person gets something nice or has something great happen in their life, they have to immediately critisize it, diacect it, minimize it and snub it. An attitude almost as if what that person got or the great thing that happened is not great at all and is pure garbage. Yeah! When that character flaws shows up run! It’s toxic. A person who can’t be happy for the success and well bing of another is a person to run from. The only thing they want is what benefits them.
– Do they constantly have drama with others?
Oh, you know you’ve seen your fare share of these. This is the type of person who is always in some sort of battle with someone. Never any peace, it’s always fight mode. Oh but it doesnt end there. The catch is, the drama and the fights is the fault of others. They ususally are inflamatory and extremely offensive yet take no accountability for their behavior. It’s always pinned on the other person, becasue in their world they have no faults of their own.
– Are they always the victim?
Again everyone is always at fault ecept for them. And when they are at fault, it is justified becasue the other person started it. In their mind if they feel you’re an agressor, you deserve all the wrath they dish out. There’s no reasoning with that person becasue in their eyes, everyone is out to get them and hurt them.
– Is everyone always out to get them?
The famous delirium of persecution. There’s no safe place or people. Everyone is a suspect and everyone is out to harm them becasue they’re that important and powerful. When in reality most could care less! At first you may believe it, but when you spend enough time with them you realize they’re reading into things and making mountains out of mole hills. For instance, getting aaccidentaly overlooked for an invitation turns into “they didn’t invite me becasue they’re intimidated by me. I’m a threat to them”. When in reality the person just simply forgot to include them.
– Are they constantly saying that everyone wants to be like them or what’s them?
Oh you know the “hot shit sindrome” (yes I did say that word). They’re such a hot comodity that everyone wants them or wants to be like them. IT goes to such an extent that if you get an invitation to a very important event their rationality is “you got that invitation becasue you’re associated with me”. I mean heaven forbid you having talent of your own and something desireable to offer! They will acredit your success and your work to them as if you did nothing. In fact they may write you out all together even if it was your idea and you did all of the work. In their world you’re there to make them look good, and if you happen to look good in the process it’s becasue “they” made you look good. You’re merits don’t count.
If the answer to these is mostly yes, Walk away. They’re not in the headspace to be a friend. What they’re looking for is a cheer leaders or someone to act as their therapist. They’re in no position to reciprocate and make deposits into the bank of relationship. All they know is how to withdraw. It will suck you dry to such an extent that it will either make you resentful and bitter or break you emotionally. In some cases it may even affect your career, finances and family life, so tread with caution. It could be more than you bargained for in a negative way.